Thoughts on a Monday

March snow, it's inevitable in Utah

My "omelette"

I'm sitting here, eating the breakfast I made, (which was supposed to be an omelette, but turned into scrambled eggs with ham and jalapenos -- which, by the way, I had to text my mom to ask her how to tell when jalapenos are bad.)  and I started thinking. I haven't touched my blog in almost two years. It has just been this thing that I get emails about once in awhile. I thought recently about how I haven't written in so long. Then I had to dive into why I stopped writing. Is it because I got bored? Or is it because I was afraid of being boring? I would spend hours reading through other's blogs, clicking links that would take me to another one, and another one, and another one. I would think "these people have such entertaining lives. Their pictures are flawless and their entire page is gorgeous.
Before I stopped writing, a friend of mine revamped my blog and made it look much better than anything I could try to do. The fact is, I'm terrible at computers. Graphic design, and codes, and editing. It's just not my thing.
So, I start to feel a little embarrassed of my own silly blog. I would take outfit photos, but they seemed so "meh".

And then after two years and some serious yearning for expression, I realized: who. fucking. cares? This is my blog. This is my space. My voice needs to escape because that is one way I can release my stress and anxiety.

Here's the thing: I love fashion. I don't get paid to express my love of fashion. But I'm gonna.
I love writing. I'm gonna.
I have a voice, and I'm going to use it. Or in this case, type it.

My life is not glamorous, I work in retail for crying out loud. But I have things to say, and finally I can stop caring about comparing myself to others. It may have taken me 20 something years to accept that, but here it is. I don't care if you think I'm boring, I don't care if you subscribe, or comment, or laugh, or think. This is going to be my place. I can be as silly, or weird, or deep as I want to be. I miss the feeling of getting it all out there.

So, stay tuned. Or don't.
It's gonna happen.

Ramones and floral

Today it was hot and windy. After I got off work I didn't even want to do anything but just lie down. Not sure why I'm so tired today because I got about 9 hours of sleep, but I feel like I just want to go to bed and it's only 7:00.
I literally threw this outfit together in about 10 seconds. I like how it turned out considering my main focus was getting my little brother and myself to work on time.

Stella likes to model with me.

Top: Wet Seal
Skirt: Wet Seal
Shoes: Wet Seal
Necklace: Wet Seal
Earrings: Charlotte Russe

Dreams, Feathers and Kimonos

As of April 28th it's been officially a year since my grandma passed away. It's been a rough year without her, we all definitely needed to adjust. While it has gotten easier with time, it's still definitely still painful not having her here. Since the one year of her death I've been dreaming about her constantly. Some dreams will be about normal days with her still here, as if nothing had happened and some are about her still being so sick. The last few days of her life were miserable and I would never wish that type of death on anybody, so when I dream about her still being in that position I feel a little relieved waking up knowing she's free of pain. However when I dream about her still healthy, going out to dinner together or something simple I wake up heartbroken.
It's hard. I think since she's been on my mind so much lately my subconscious won't turn off those thoughts either.
I miss her every day but I think with every passing year I'll smile more knowing how much love she had for all of us, and all the memories I have of her.

Anyway
On to something a little less sad.

I got these earrings when I worked at Charlotte Russe, which was back in 2011. They've still been on the jewelry card since that day I brought them home. Yesterday was the first day I wore them ever.
The funny thing Is I've done this more than once....not the best habit to keep.
Also I'm obsessed with this kimono style shawl. So cute.

Shawl: Wet Seal
Shorts: Wet Seal
Sandals: Charlotte Russe
Earrings: Charlotte Russe
Necklace: Forever 21
Rings: H&M and Icing
Sunnies: Wet Seal

Dr Pepper, Bridesmaid Dresses and Zumba

Shawl: Wet Seal
Dress: Charlotte Russe
Wedges: Charlotte Russe
Necklace: Gift

I've come to the realization that I need to be a little more fit. Now let me go ahead and point out that I do not think I'm fat, at all. I know I am petite, I always have been. But I've definitely put on a bit since I got married a year ago. It wouldn't be a big deal, because I'm pretty comfortable with my body, but when you have a closet full of clothes that are all a size too small it's a little frustrating.
I'm a terribly picky eater so it would be really hard for me to go on an actual diet, not to mention I love junk food. Especially Dr Pepper....it's my biggest vice. I'm sure most of the reason I've gained weight is because of my obsession with Dr Pepper.
This June my sister is getting married and I'm going to be a bridesmaid. Last week I went to the dress shop and ordered my size, which was actually the size that I plan on being for the wedding. For the next few weeks I plan on working my butt off (literally) by actually using my gym membership and going to some Zumba classes as well. Also I need to start eating better and talking myself into trading Dr Pepper for water. Mostly for health...and my jeans. That bridesmaid dress fitting is my motivation!

Shots and Thoughts

Top: Cotton On
Cardigan: Wet Seal
Leggings: Head Over Heels
Shoes: Wet Seal
Necklace: Forever 21

This week started out kind of rough, by week I mean the actual work week, since I start work on Tuesdays I still tend to get a case of the Mondays. Tuesday can't disguise itself as much at it seems to sound nicer than Monday.
It was one of those days where trivial things pile up and make you feel ultimately defeated by the end of the day. Mine started with the dumbest of dumb things: the new dress I bought didn't fit like I wanted it too, not important really but I ended up needing to rush around the house finding something else to wear. I ended up being a bit late for work which is frustrating for me because I've been working so hard on my punctuality and I've been doing great. The rest of the day was mostly spent battling anxiety, and if you know how anxiety is then you know that it's the worst. I just wanted to start the day over on a different foot or go back to bed completely. At the end of the day I just had to tell myself to make the next day better.
Yesterday was better, I just needed to take Stella to the vet for her rabies shot. I also had the vet look at her leg because she has been randomly limping. She hates car rides, they make her so nervous, so I felt like a jerk making her go all the way to a new place. I've kept her too sheltered I think, because she get incredibly anxious around new people and new things. She was well behaved at the vet thankfully. Just scared. It didn't take long and she was definitely glad to be home after. I had to run to work after so I spent the entire day worrying about her, scared that she might have given herself a panic attack or had a bad reaction to the shot.
Also, might I add because it seemed to be a reoccurring event this week {see the post about my Sunday issues} that once I got to work my shoe broke. That was lovely. At least they were older and had some good wear in them. C'est la vie!

Today actually felt normal, which was nice. Work went smoothly despite it being insanely busy {I am not a fan of back-to-back calls...yuck} and luckily I had no wardrobe malfunctions.

Lately

Top: Charlotte Russe
Skirt: Thrifted (Plato's Closet)
Shoes: Forever Young
Tights: Wet Seal

Well, since the weather froze over, I survived another holiday in retail and it became a new year not a whole lot in my life has changed.
Except, as luck would have it, I was able to snag myself a full time job! Hooray!! It's a call center, nothing extremely glamorous, but I had gotten in inside my head that I was going to spend the rest of my life doing nothing but retail. Getting this job has actually helped my self esteem when it comes to my range of work experience. I was hired on as a temp, but even if I do get laid off I'm confidant enough to have a fuller resume to help me find something else. Currently, I'm really enjoying this job. It's new, different, challenging, something I've been hoping to stumble on. Did I mention it's full time? I couldn't be more thrilled to finally have 40 hours of a set schedule every single week!

Other than my job news Taran and I have been having a pretty normal, boring married couple life. We eat a lot of breakfast burritos and watch a lot of tv series. (Supernatural, Breaking Bad, The Vampire Diaries, etc etc) Our puppies are their normal playful selves, they crack us up constantly with their funny personalities. 

I'm mostly focusing on getting my life into a nice routine. It's definitely a lot easier to be a grown up when you have life under control. Work, bills, friends, family, dates, it can be overwhelming when you're still new at the domestic life. I've gotten better at cooking, I've learned to clean up after myself more often and I'm doing my best daily to be a good wife, not just for Taran but for me. I'm reaching that point where I'm happy with things, instead of feeling like I can't keep my head above water. I guess people do say the first year of marriage is the hardest, which I can understand. We're getting the hang of each other, of marriage. I'm pleased with the direction we are headed in.

 

Well hello.

Everything is Wet Seal.

I know I don't have the most eventful, exciting life but I do enjoy blogging and I know there are some people who follow this blog.
So, I'm sorry for being MIA the past few months. My blog has been under construction, a friend of mine is giving it a makeover for me. While she's been doing that I've been pretty busy myself. Since my last post I ended up getting a second job to help us more with finances. When I first started I was working 12 hour days and I was exhausted.
Now things are a little more stable and my schedules are working around each other, so I feel a lot better. So far it's definitely helped having that extra paycheck.

Hopefully now I'll have some time to blog again too, and I will put up some photos of our house since we've decorated a lot more now!

Life is lovely...

When you find a new piece of jewelry you love. 

When you can sit outside and enjoy the sunshine. 

When someone thinks of you, even in the tiniest way

When you have two adorably goofy puppies who make you smile daily. 

Makeovers

Sorry I've been MIA for the past few weeks. I've had a lot going on and haven't had a chance to really sit down and blog.
So much is changing in my life and it's definitely all for the better!
Taran and I have started redecorating our house, it's a pain but worth it once we see a finished room. So far we have our bedroom done and the living room done. Next we'll be ripping up carpet and starting the dining room. It's hard work, and not cheap especially in between bills. I think it's all turning out very nicely though and I can't wait to have everything finished so it feels 100% like ours.

Just needs some decorations!

Another big makeover that is happening is with my work. Our store got chosen to be remodeled so last month we moved all our stuff into a temporary space and we'll be there until July 8th. The temp space is frustrating...there's no bathroom, a lot of the lighting doesn't work and it's very hot. I just have to remind myself that it'll all be worth it in the end when we see our brand new store. It's not forever and I'm grateful for that!

My cute coworkers and our empty store. This was after I left and everything was completely cleared out. So weird!!

Can't wait to see it finished!

Lastly; one other thing that is getting a makeover is myself. By that I mean, I need to get myself into shape and healthier. I've noticed my clothes are feeling a bit tight, and although I know I'm still a tiny girl, I want to nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand. I'm getting older and I want to be healthy! I got myself a gym membership and started going to a few Zumba classes. It's hard to get motivated every day, especially when you haven't worked out like....ever, but I'm trying! This is something for me and I think it'll help me with not just my body, but my mind too. I have depression, and since my grandma passed it's only gotten worse. Instead of letting it take over me I want to turn it around into something positive and uplifting for myself.

So to sum up, life is pretty good right now. I'm excited for the end results of all this hard work everyone is putting in to everything. My husband with the house, the construction workers with my store...even myself.
More updates soon!

beetlejuice beetlejuice beetlejuice

Top: Ross
Leggings: Wet Seal
Boots: Wet Seal

Earrings: Charlotte Russe

Today I got told by several people that I looked like Beetlejuice because of my leggings.

One girl actually told me I look like I came right out of a Tim Burton movie.

I am totally taking it as a compliment.

One of the girls at work decided we should wear certain styles every day of the week. For example; yesterday was maxi skirts and dresses; Tuesday was 'grunge'. Today was stripes!

Funny enough, we showed up to work this morning wearing almost the same outfit.

Twin Beetlejuices!

 

frustration | electra heart

Dress: Wet Seal

Belt: Charlotte Russe
Headband: Charlotte Russe
Shoes: Ross

Earrings: gift

Today I had to get up and run to my store to give some keys to a coworker. Since I was going to be in that part of town anyway I figured I'd swing by the Social Security Office and finally get my married name documented. It's on a street with not much space for parking, so I had to circle the building a few times until I found one. Luckily I got a good spot up front, and I had a book with me just in case, because I've heard it can take forever to get helped there. I walked in and the security guard told me that I was in the right place, but the office closes at Noon on Wednesdays. Just Wednesdays....of course, the day I chose. I was a little disappointed, but it was fine, no big deal. I decided to just go to the DMV and get my driver's license changed next. I wasn't sure where it was exactly because I hadn't been there in years, so I called my mom to ask. She gave me general directions and I thought I could figure it out from there, plus use my iPhone maps. Bad idea. The map app is the most awful thing ever. It had no idea where I wanted to go apparently and I started to get so frustrated with it that I pulled into a parking lot to call my mom again. She gave me better directions and I tried again. Once I finally found it I was in the wrong lane and nobody would let me over...{hmm, typical Utah} so I had to turn around and go back. I was starting to get really annoyed because it was just a waste of gas to be driving up and down these streets and not getting anywhere. Finally I pulled in to the DMV and filled out an application, and luckily the wait time was very short. I walked up to the desk and the guy working asked me if I had my birth certificate and my Social Security card. Um, nope.

I thought all I needed was my marriage license...apparently the law changed 3 years ago.

I was so frustrated because I had driven in circles to get to these places and I felt like I was finally getting something done that I've been waiting to do for 2 1/2 months. It's truly not a big deal and I can always go back, I don't need it right away...I had just been putting it off and the day I decided to do it everything went wrong. I was so irritated that I had to find a way to chill out, since I was around town anyway I just did a little retail therapy. I bought a cute wooden "G" from Michael's so I can start a new craft project and some note cards for my pen pals. I just love writing and receiving letters! It's my favorite.

That definitely cheered me up, and everything was fine afterward, I just had a rough afternoon!

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On Monday night Crystal, Jerrica and I went down to Salt Lake to see Marina & the Diamonds in concert. She's an adorable little British pop star who I heard of through Crystal and many of her songs actually play at my work. Her music is super fun and her voice is lovely, so I was glad to see she was coming to Utah!

We got all dolled up and fancy for the show, and stood at the top balcony {21 + section woo!}

I had a blast! She is great live, full of energy and very talented. We sang and danced and had a really good time.

If you haven't heard of her I definitely recommend checking her out. She is different and may not be for everyone, but I adore her!

Posers

Dress: Charlotte Russe
Necklace: Wet Seal
Bracelets: Rue 21
Shoes: Wet Seal

My dogs think that they are models. Every time I whip out my camera and put self timer on to take an outfit picture they're right under me. Normally it's Stella, but now I guess Mila wanted her 15 minutes of fame.
I did catch an adorable yawn in this shot though.
I love my babies :)