Thoughts on a Monday

March snow, it's inevitable in Utah

My "omelette"

I'm sitting here, eating the breakfast I made, (which was supposed to be an omelette, but turned into scrambled eggs with ham and jalapenos -- which, by the way, I had to text my mom to ask her how to tell when jalapenos are bad.)  and I started thinking. I haven't touched my blog in almost two years. It has just been this thing that I get emails about once in awhile. I thought recently about how I haven't written in so long. Then I had to dive into why I stopped writing. Is it because I got bored? Or is it because I was afraid of being boring? I would spend hours reading through other's blogs, clicking links that would take me to another one, and another one, and another one. I would think "these people have such entertaining lives. Their pictures are flawless and their entire page is gorgeous.
Before I stopped writing, a friend of mine revamped my blog and made it look much better than anything I could try to do. The fact is, I'm terrible at computers. Graphic design, and codes, and editing. It's just not my thing.
So, I start to feel a little embarrassed of my own silly blog. I would take outfit photos, but they seemed so "meh".

And then after two years and some serious yearning for expression, I realized: who. fucking. cares? This is my blog. This is my space. My voice needs to escape because that is one way I can release my stress and anxiety.

Here's the thing: I love fashion. I don't get paid to express my love of fashion. But I'm gonna.
I love writing. I'm gonna.
I have a voice, and I'm going to use it. Or in this case, type it.

My life is not glamorous, I work in retail for crying out loud. But I have things to say, and finally I can stop caring about comparing myself to others. It may have taken me 20 something years to accept that, but here it is. I don't care if you think I'm boring, I don't care if you subscribe, or comment, or laugh, or think. This is going to be my place. I can be as silly, or weird, or deep as I want to be. I miss the feeling of getting it all out there.

So, stay tuned. Or don't.
It's gonna happen.

Coral Orange vs Coral Pink

Top: Wet Seal
Necklace: Gift
Jeans: Charlotte Russe
Boots: Charlotte Russe

 

I got ready this morning in such a rush that I grabbed a necklace that I thought, at first glance, went well with the outfit.  As I was getting out of my car and was in direct sunlight, not the lighting of my house I noticed that the necklace was a completely different shade of coral. The necklace was more orange-ish while the pants were more pink-ish. I was a bit annoyed that I hadn't noticed it before and that I was going to go the rest of the day wearing a necklace that doesn't match. I even had to ask coworkers if I looked stupid.
But, then after 6 hours of work...thinking about inventory, and customers, and cleaning I completely forgot about the stupid necklace. And I decided I liked the two stupid colors together.

I do that a lot I've come to realize. I care too much about something so tiny and trivial, working myself up over it when it's really not.a.big.deal. Instead of focusing on more important things first I jump to assumptions over little details. I worry about what people think instead of what I think. I get irritated before I think things through.

Maybe if I take a second to let things roll off my shoulder and allow myself to relax a little bit I could improve a lot of life's little issues. Or big issues.

 

January Curse

What I Wore 1-09-13
Sweater/Leggings/Boots/Necklace: Wet Seal {surprise surprise}

I despise January.
Not only is it freezing cold, but it's also the month of Christmas present returns and no shoppers.
My store has been insanely dead for the past week now. The poor customers who do come in are attacked by us like we're vultures. It's my job, but I always feel annoying when I ask the same customer 4 times if they're doing ok. I'm sure they want to punch me.

On a much darker side of that....I also hate January because I have never received good news.
Back in 2010 this was the month that we found out my grandma had cancer and not long after that my grandpa passed away from years and years of suffering with emphysema. It was the most devastating month of my whole life thus far. In 2011 Taran found out that his grandma was about to lose her battle with colon cancer, and that same month she passed. I was heartbroken for Taran and his family, and also crushed because I never got a chance to meet her.
Last year in 2012 I found out that my dear uncle Scott passed away after his long fight with HIV/AIDs. It was terrible because no one had heard from him in such a long time, and we found out long after he was actually gone. I was never super close to him, but he was a talented and good man and I'm still sad I never got to see him one last time.

This year, I hate to say, we discovered that chemo treatment is not working for my grandma. I'm not going to go too far into depth with this one because it's very hard on me. It's hard to even type this and think about it.
Today I also found out that cousin's grandma {her mom's mom...no relation to me} passed away this morning. I don't know much about her, but I know she's had diabetes and has been really sick for a really long time. Despite things that have happened and all the unresolved issues....all that aside, I am sad for them.

I'm sorry this post jumped from work related complaints to something so tragic, but to be honest with you my mind has been in tangles. Like chains of jewelry twisted together. I am having a hard time even forming my words together.
I will keep you all updated and if anyone has any questions don't hesitate to ask. I'll try to untangle my messy brain and make some sense of things.

xoxo