One

Hello, yes it's me. Remember when I used to actually post on this blog?
Here's the thing, I've had a pretty busy few months. I've had things come up that were a little more important that blogging. On top of that I go through phases where I feel like my life is so uninteresting and not worth blogging about. I've had to tell myself multiple times that I have a lot to talk about besides my daily life and this blog doesn't have to be strictly daily life updates.
On that note, I will dive into a post sometime this week to rehash what Taran and I have been up to for the past couple of months. Today I'm writing about something else.

This weekend Taran and I celebrated our first anniversary. It's insane to me that I can say "I've been married for a year". We're past the newlywed stage, we have moved onto the actual stage of 'The Griffith's'. I've had a year of being somebodies wife. No longer a fiance, a girlfriend or "that girl from math class that I like-like".
Marriage is a crazy, phenomenal constant uphill battle. It's definitely not easy, but it's something that is so fulfilling every single day that I look forward to improving and growing.
As you may know Taran and I opted for a simple wedding at the courthouse in favor of something elaborate that required a lot of planning. Now that a year has gone by I am still incredibly glad that I made that choice.

We were lacking in the finances to do anything too extravagant to celebrate this year, however money doesn't matter when you're in the company of someone you love. Sound cheesy? It's true. I had such a fun weekend and I think we may have a couple traditions started that I'm looking forward to continuing.
We spent the day (March 1st) down in the city where we got married. Since we were there for the wedding they've built so many different things. The day we were there the previous year we had to avoid construction to get our wedding pictures (which turned out amazing anyway.) and they really only had built a restaurant and movie theater. We thought it would be a fun tradition to go have dinner at the same restaurant we went to last year. It was a great choice because the food was delicious!
After dinner we visited the little fountain where our pictures were taken and had someone snap a new picture in the same spot.

 We spent some time wandering around the mall, shops with giant candy bars and some with wall to wall accessories (my dream!)
Once it got dark we decided to head home for some wine and Breaking Bad. (Which we finished this weekend by the way...amazing? Amazing. I think I might have ptsd from that ending...I keep thinking about it.)
On our wedding night we stayed at a really nice hotel where they gave us a bottle of wine for free. The hotel also had a free wine tasting in the lobby that night and we had plenty of it. When we got home we decided to hold off on cracking open our free bottle and to save it for our one year since we didn't have the traditional first layer of cake or anything like that. We were nervous about the quality of the wine, considering we've never saved a bottle before, so we stopped and bought a couple fresh bottles just in case. It ended up tasting great though and it was nice to toast our one year with our wedding night gift.

Sunday we spent the day in pajamas finishing up Breaking Bad and simply enjoying each others company. I had such a great time with my husband. I'm truly so lucky I snagged that one, he's the best.
Speaking of, did you check out my gorgeous anniversary gift in the photo above?
 I've had my eye on those necklaces for awhile now and he remembered! I'm in love, it's beautiful!
Thrilled to have been married to that stud for a year. To many many many more!!

grieving

It has taken me an entire week to write this post. I kept meaning to start it, but couldn't bring myself to sit down and think of the right words to use.

Last Sunday my dear grandma, who has been battling Ovarian Cancer for the past 3 years, passed away. We all knew it was coming, but it definitely didn't make the news hurt any less. My mom called me that morning to inform me that she was gone, and in that two minute conversation I heard that phrase that I never wanted to come.
Death is inevitable, it's a part of life, but I knew this one was coming and I can't decide if that's what made it harder. It was expected, they told us in January that she didn't have a lot of time...you all know that this was the exact reason I got married in March.
I think a part of me wanted to ignore the truth though, and hope that she would magically get better. It's silly, I know, but what grandchild wants to admit that their grandma is going to die? Acceptance isn't as easy as it seems.
After I got off the phone with my mom I laid in bed and cried and cried...harder than I've cried in a really long time. I'm so lucky Taran was there because I don't know what I would have done without him, all he did was hold me but that was what I needed.

I know it's for the best, because she was in so much pain, and I know she's in a better place. But it still makes my whole heart ache.

My grandma and I were very close, we had been since I was born. She was there for me my whole life from day 1. When my parents divorced I was only 3 and my dad was not around, so my grandma helped raise me. I would stay with her when my mom worked and even when she wasn't working I was spending my time at her house.
I remember spending hours playing with my Barbies, coloring, or just playing outside and she would just be right there watching TV or chatting away on the phone. We used to watch the Utah Jazz games together, she was so into it and we both loved Carl Malone. We loved to watch the figure skaters too, and she'd always lay on the floor with her head on a banana chair while we watched Rugrats together.
She gave me my first puppy, a little Yorkshire Terrier and her name was Shelby.
She loved animals, but mostly "wiener dogs" and horses.

When I got a bit older I stopped staying at her house as much and became more social with friends. That didn't stop me from loving her as much as I did though, and we'd always go out to eat or she'd bring us something for dinner. She never ate at home, if she did it wasn't too elaborate. Restaurants were her favorite, and she constantly went out to eat with friends, or her sisters or us. I'll never go into a diner and not think about her because that was her norm.

She bought me glasses and braces when I needed them most. After I got my braces on and I felt like an ugly duckling, she reminded me how beautiful I was and that after my teeth were fixed I would have an even more beautiful smile.
My husband makes fun of me for constantly being in photos or taking photos, but I tell him "you didn't grow up with my grandma, there was constantly a camera in my face growing up" and it's true. She had tons and tons of envelopes full of pictures of me. I like to think that maybe that is a reason I'm comfortable with  my appearance and that I have self confidence. {Also maybe why I'm always caught taking selfies ;) haha}

She always believed in me, and supported whatever dream I had. She listened to me sing when I wanted to be a singer. I wanted to be a songwriter and a rockstar too, so she bought me a piano and a guitar. 

When I was obsessed with dolphins and was sure I was going to be a trainer or a marine biologist, she took me to SeaWorld. There I got to do a program where I swam with a dolphin and a trainer. 

She kept all my drawings and stories. 

She taught me how to bowl and put me on a league. 

And even though I'm not a famous rockstar, dolphin trainer, writer or bowler she still supported me throughout it all. 

I'm never going to be okay with losing her, it was the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. Eventually it won't hurt as much and I will be able to think of her and smile instead of cry. 

I have some of the greatest memories of my entire life with her included. 

My heart is broken. But she lived a great life and I am truly happy to have been apart of it and to know that she's no longer in pain. 

A Proud Wifey

As most of you may know my husband makes a living as a welder. It's something that just sort of fell into his lap a few years ago after he posted his resume online. He got hired on at this company and after a few months of getting the hang of the job he realized that it was something he loved doing and wanted to continue to do. He's spent the last 3 years at the same company now, with some ups and downs, he met his former roommate there as well as another good friend. The place wasn't the best, they were stingy with raises and he didn't get any type of benefits but it paid the bills and he had job security because of his seniority there.
However, a couple weeks ago a friend sent him a message about a job opening at a different welding company and he was asked to come out and do a weld test. Three days later he got a phone call asking him to start asap! This job will offer more money, better hours, better stability and he'll get benefits! It's something he's been wanting for awhile now but when he would browse for jobs nothing seemed to come up.

His first day is tomorrow and I'm so proud of him! I know it will be another stress reliever to know he's working somewhere more beneficial in many ways. Glad that this ended up working out with him because he deserves it, he is very talented and a very hard worker so they will be lucky to have him as an employee. And I'm so lucky to have such a talented, hard working husband!

Month 1

We've officially been married for one month now. March flew by, and between me going to Nevada to visit Randi and Taran working a lot it's no wonder I'm shocked that it's already April.
Even though it's already been a month, not much has changed between us besides the fact that we each have an extra piece of jewelry to wear. I've gotten used to the word "husband" but I don't exactly feel like I'm somebody's "wife". Partially because I haven't had a chance to go get my driver's license or social security card changed, so nothing really screams "you are now Mrs. Griffith!" I'm hoping I can do that soon though, because I want to be able to sign things with my new name.

Sometimes it hits me though, when I hold Taran's hand and I feel his ring, I think "oh. I'm really married". When it does hit me I can't help but smile, I am so happy that Taran is my husband, that we are Mr and Mrs.

I'm not sure if being married was supposed to change anything, but it really hasn't, and I'm perfectly fine with that.
I'm still as lovestruck as I've been for 3 years, it just gets stronger every day.
I still can't cook. Although I'm learning.
I still have a shopping addiction. I've developed some self control though, which is a big step for me {haha.}
We still don't want kids yet.

Month 1 is down, and I can't wait for another, and another. Then for a year, and another year. And for the rest of our lives.

Overwhelmed.

I know I haven't updated since my post about my decision to get married, but things have been crazy. Since I made my choice I sat down with Taran and we decided to do this as soon as possible, and that meant this Friday.
March 1st we will be getting married.

I was unsure how everyone would react to the news, but my heart is filled with gratitude because everyone has been so supportive and understanding. The moment we chose the date, I was beginning to panic thinking we wouldn't be able to pull it off. Luckily I have some incredible people in my life who have gone out of there way to make sure this day happens.

My mom has taken most of this under her wing and helped me get Taran's ring, a dress, shoes, Taran's tie, and the actual ceremony.
My dad is paying for Taran and I to have a honeymoon suite in a hotel for Friday night.
My sweet future step-mother-in-law offered to make me a bouquet.
My amazing boss (who happens to be a photographer) has figured the entire schedule out so that I could have my day off and this Saturday as well. She is also going to take pictures of the whole thing.
My mom's best friend and basically her sister is letting me wear her headband she wore for her wedding and her mother's diamond from when she married her father.
Friends and family have taken the day off and swapped their schedules around so they could come.

It is literally going to be a five minute courthouse ceremony, but so many people have helped out and shown such love toward us that it is truly going to be a very special day and I can't wait.

I will be wearing teal shoes, Taran's tie is teal and I just got my nails done teal. In honor of my grandma's favorite color and it is also the ribbon color for Ovarian Cancer Awareness.

I'm not a big crier, I hate it actually, but it's been hard for me to hold back tears this past week because I've been so overwhelmed with happiness and gratitude. I am so thankful for everyone in my life and for my future family that I am gaining on Friday.

I can't wait to marry the man of my dreams, my best friend and my other half.

Thank you all for everything, I can't express how much all this means to me.

candles & card games

On Monday Taran and I went down to my grandma's house to celebrate her birthday. A few other family members came as well and we had pizza. We tried to find birthday candles for her cake but she doesn't have any in her house, so instead we took some candle sticks and stuck them in the cake. Whatever works right?
It was great to see her smiling and having a good time. She really deserves to have things around her that make her smile, because she deserves to be happy despite everything.

Last night Crystal, Jerrica and I had a girls night. I had such a good time hanging out with my best friends and just being our weird selves. We had some drinks, watched Pitch Perfect and played games {somehow we always end up playing In A Pickle, but it's so much fun I don't even care} I laugh so much when I'm with them and I don't have to worry about anything. I hope we still have our girl's nights when we're 30, 40...even 50!
When we woke up this morning we all decided to go have some breakfast. The snow was awful to drive in, and I literally looked like I rolled out of bed and went there {oh wait I kinda did, ha!} But it was a good end to a good night with them. I wish we got to see each other more often, but I'm grateful for the times we do get to hang out. And I know we'll start having more nights to hang out soon :)

I am going to marry a winner.

Photo by Bianca Teh @ Honeebee Photography

Because he doesn't ask me what's wrong, he just lets me cry and crumple up into an emotional ball.
Because he always tries to understand my situation, even if it takes comparing my job to his any way he can. Just so that he can understand me.
Because he tells me I'm talented, even when I don't feel like it. And tells me I look pretty, even when I don't feel like it.
Because he takes me to buy ice cream to cheer me up...and chocolate...and a Dr. Pepper.
Because he turns on Ridiculousness and helps me laugh. {Something about people doing incredibly stupid things and hurting themselves is hilarious. Why is that? Who cares, I crack up.}
Because he doesn't get mad when I fall asleep and drool on his pillow. Whoops.

And because he loves me unconditionally and still wants to marry me after I've torn myself down and stressed myself to the max.
I am really really really lucky.

Mother

I may be a bit biased, but I believe I have the greatest mother in the history of mothers.

Happy Mom Day to this lovely lady <3

No meat! Big feet! I eat wood...

Ok, if anyone knows what that is from you get a big internet hug from me :)

Today my mom and I took all the kiddos, {Quade, Gentry and my cousins visiting from Colorado Aspynn and Emeri} to the Dinosaur Park! We usually go every year when the girls come to visit and it's pretty fun! They have trails you can take with big dinosaur statues all over. It was pretty hot though, I'm glad I chose to wear a dress and to pull my hair up. I'm glad Utah is finally catching up to the fact that it's not Winter anymore. Good job Utah, keep it up. 

My entire family are big cheeseballs so I got some fun pictures out of it!

We all had dinner after at La Puinta and it was delicious! Yum.

Happy Thursday everyone!

Me and mama!

Quade, me, Aspynn, Emeri, Gentry

Me, mom and Quade

It's been days...

And truthfully the whole reason I haven't been on the computer is because spending the entire weekend with my boyfriend is a lot better than blogging all weekend.
It's a rare rare occasion that Taran gets the full weekend off and he called me Friday night and said he was coming over!

Bowling! And attempting to take a goofy picture, but I hit the button too soon and it turned out even goofier. :)

The weekend was great! We got delicious food, he spoiled me with new clothes, we went galactic bowling, had coffee with friends and had a great dinner date.
I had so much fun, I wish it was something that happened more often.


In other news:
I started my new job yesterday. She only had me working 9-11 to do my paperwork and get me going, but she asked me to come back later and work a couple more hours. I'll say it was very successful, considering they were busy {President's Day} and they didn't have to spend hours training me on registers. I caught on very quickly, and spent my shift ringing up customers! I'm pleased.

The day of L-O-V-E

My Valentine's Day was wonderful.

I have this thing where I over analyze every situation and end up setting my expectations way too high. I do it with everything, and it gives me horrible anxiety.
I planned on Taran coming over at 5:00, mom was going to help me cook the dinner and then leave us alone for the rest of the night. I had everything planned perfectly.
He knew I was making dinner, but he didn't know that I was recreating our very first Valentine's Day together so I was excited! I text him and told him what time to get here and to dress fancy.
Things were going well until I had to set everything back an hour {thanks to my mom's ex being a...not nice word.}. I started to get panicky, but I forced myself to chill out and once I did everything fell in to place perfectly.

He came over with roses, looking incredibly handsome...I mean like wowza!
We had a candlelight dinner of pasta with wine and I made the most adorable romantic playlist on my iPod.

It was perfect.

He kept telling me how much he loves me and how beautiful I looked and I felt like I was 15 again! Haha.
When we finished eating he asked me to dance.

And he gave me the card from the roses that said "7 roses for 7 years I've loved you".
I almost cried.

I didn't think it was possible for me to be more in love with him than I already am, but I was proven wrong. I love him SO much more every single day.

PS.
That amazing man of mine will be turning 22 in 3 minutes! :D!