Overwhelmed.

I know I haven't updated since my post about my decision to get married, but things have been crazy. Since I made my choice I sat down with Taran and we decided to do this as soon as possible, and that meant this Friday.
March 1st we will be getting married.

I was unsure how everyone would react to the news, but my heart is filled with gratitude because everyone has been so supportive and understanding. The moment we chose the date, I was beginning to panic thinking we wouldn't be able to pull it off. Luckily I have some incredible people in my life who have gone out of there way to make sure this day happens.

My mom has taken most of this under her wing and helped me get Taran's ring, a dress, shoes, Taran's tie, and the actual ceremony.
My dad is paying for Taran and I to have a honeymoon suite in a hotel for Friday night.
My sweet future step-mother-in-law offered to make me a bouquet.
My amazing boss (who happens to be a photographer) has figured the entire schedule out so that I could have my day off and this Saturday as well. She is also going to take pictures of the whole thing.
My mom's best friend and basically her sister is letting me wear her headband she wore for her wedding and her mother's diamond from when she married her father.
Friends and family have taken the day off and swapped their schedules around so they could come.

It is literally going to be a five minute courthouse ceremony, but so many people have helped out and shown such love toward us that it is truly going to be a very special day and I can't wait.

I will be wearing teal shoes, Taran's tie is teal and I just got my nails done teal. In honor of my grandma's favorite color and it is also the ribbon color for Ovarian Cancer Awareness.

I'm not a big crier, I hate it actually, but it's been hard for me to hold back tears this past week because I've been so overwhelmed with happiness and gratitude. I am so thankful for everyone in my life and for my future family that I am gaining on Friday.

I can't wait to marry the man of my dreams, my best friend and my other half.

Thank you all for everything, I can't express how much all this means to me.

choices

Throughout your entire life you will make choices. They are simple things starting from childhood such as choosing vanilla or chocolate ice cream. As you grow up they get a little tougher, like where you should live, what car should you buy, etc. Some decisions you make will be for another person or simply for yourself.
There are some things; however, that you will come across in your life that will be out of your control and you won't get choose.
Three years ago doctors discovered my grandma had cancer, and for those three years she has had to suffer from something that was out of her hands. She didn't choose cancer, and if I could I wouldn't choose it for anyone else on this planet.
Now, there is absolutely no choice. She is at the end of the road, and what's left of the pavement in front of her is untouchable. It's inevitable. My heart won't stop breaking over this, and I don't know how long it will take me to recover. Even after her time is up, which I can't ever bring myself to think about. My brain won't even let me try.

The moment I heard the news, this haunting news about how there is nothing left to do for her I haven't been able to breathe right. One of the thoughts that surfaced to the top of my constant swimming thoughts was the simple fact: my grandma will not see me get married.
If you've ever felt like your chest was being crushed by a steamroller, you know how I feel.

Then came the time for me to make a choice.
Do I push the date forward so the most wonderful person in my life can be there?
The answer is yes.

My whole life I've looked up to this woman, and my whole life I'm imagined her watching me walk down the aisle. Never in my life did I picture it without her. And I still can't picture it, so I won't.
I am 1000% head over heels, over the moon in love with Taran. The day he asked me to marry me, there was never a question of whether it was right or not. He is the man of my dreams and he is who I want to spend the rest of my life with. Whether that happens next year, next month or tomorrow, it doesn't matter to me.
Sure, this isn't my favorite choice. God knows I never wanted a quick wedding, but I never wanted a wedding without my grandmother either. And she is more important than a gown, than a cake, than flowers....the goal is the same either way. I will marry Taran.
So it came down to choosing: small ceremony for grandma or large ceremony next year without her? It's a simple choice really, even though I've been beating myself over it for a week now. But the more I've thought about it the more I've realized how much I don't care about a wedding as much as I care about the marriage.

The decision has been made. Taran and I will have a small intimate ceremony and be married, but we will still be keeping our September 2014 date for a big reception and we'll probably even read our vows again.
Think of this as a selfish decision, maybe it is, I'm doing this for me. But I have the most supportive fiance who wants to marry me regardless and knows me well enough to tell me I would regret not having her present to see me take a big step in my life.

I'm hoping that no one will think less of me because of this and we won't get any hard feelings. If you would like to be present for the ceremony I would love to have you there. I just hope you will all understand my choice and my reasoning for doing this and will respect us for it as well.

my funny valentine

I'm weird at posing. Whatevs.
Everything but the shoes: Wet Seal
Shoes: Ross

I hope everyone had a lovely Valentine's Day and got to spend it with anyone they love. Unfortunately Taran and I didn't get to enjoy the day together because of our clashing schedules, but it's ok. We did have the morning together and I got up early to make him a Valentine breakfast. I even made pink pancakes.
It was simple, but it's fine with me, we'll have many more Valentine's together in the future and I spend every day loving him and telling him so!

 

bowling & home decor

For some strange twist in my fate I got to have this entire weekend off! Luckily Taran didn't have to work a Saturday either, so we got to be together the whole time.
Saturday we bummed around for awhile and relaxed. That evening we got invited to go to dinner and bowling with Crystal, Jerrica and Travis. Unfortunately everyone in Utah seemed to have the same idea as us so everywhere we went was jam packed! We even had to move to a different bowling ally because our first choice didn't have any open lanes.

On Sunday Taran and I spent the day shopping. We decided since our house needs a lot of work we're just going to go room by room. While we were out we picked out a lot of stuff for our bathroom and decided on a color to paint. I'm so excited to get started on it. We picked out some really great stuff and I'm lucky do have someone who cares about what their house looks like and puts in his thoughts and ideas.

Hopefully this week we'll be able to get started on it. It's a lot of work because this house is so old, but I'm thrilled!

Updates will come :)

pocahontas

Everything: Wet Seal :)

Never in my life did I think I would own a fur vest, but when I saw this one I fell in love and I'm so glad I got it!
Taran told me my outfit reminded him of Pocahontas, and it was hard not to laugh while he was taking my picture.

Speaking of Taran.....he officially moved in today! Yay for cohabitation! :D

Here comes the bride...

That's right folks! We have finally set a date! I know it's been such a long time coming and it's still so far away but you have no idea what a huge relief it is to finally have a real date to look forward to.
We sat down and talked it over for awhile today and decided it was time. We've been engaged for a year now and it was getting disheartening waiting around to decide when we were going to tie the knot. It seems like we've got all the previous burdens behind us, such as vehicle troubles, certain bills and living situations. Now the only thing I want to focus on before the wedding is getting my teeth fixed, which will hopefully happen soon-ish. *crossing my fingers*
Awhile ago we came up with the idea of having a fall wedding, mainly because our colors fit, plus I want it to be outdoors in the warmth. Early fall in Utah would be lovely, and perfect for an outdoor reception. September of this years seems too soon, and I know it's still a long time until our date but it gives us plenty of time for smooth planning and I am so thrilled! I can't wait to start getting things prepared and I especially can't wait to marry my best friend!!

A Big Life Update

So, I know it's been well over six months since I last posted on here. I kept thinking I wanted it to be a fashion blog, but I never ended up having the best quality of photos for it. Then I thought it could just be my personal blog but my life is not the most exciting one out here in the blogging world.
After thinking about it and being away for awhile I decided...who cares? This is my damn blog and it can be whatever I want it to be. Fashion, personal, silly, creative...whatever.
Updates are for me and the people who want to read them. Simple as that.

With that being said a lot has happened in life in the past, oh 7 or so months. I last blogged right before Taran and I were planning to house sit for my grandma, we ended up there for almost month. In that time I didn't have my own computer to blog from and I didn't end up coming all the way home {all the way...meaning, like, 15 minutes away} very often. I kinda forgot about the blog to be honest....
Summer was good, and okay...it's kind of hard to enjoy summer when your schedule is always conflicting. We didn't do much aside from go out for dessert on my birthday, the day after is mine and Taran's anniversary so for that we went to the zoo.

In early June I found out that my dad had been rushed to the hospital because he had a heart attack. It was pretty scary and I had to leave work to have my mom take me to see him. Luckily it was not as bad as it could have been and he was out of the hospital the next day. He's doing much better and has picked up a healthier lifestyle {aka he quit smoking. 7 months smoke free! Yay dad!}
We also found out that my grandma's cancer cell count went back up....summer wasn't the best season for us unfortunately.

I ended up getting a second job at another retail store, one that caters specifically to younger girls called Justice. It was nice working a lot between both jobs and getting some extra money. However, toward the end of June it was decided that it was time to leave my job at Charlotte Russe. I was sad to leave but I needed to part ways and find something new considering working two part time jobs wouldn't cut it for Taran and I financially. I ended up going back to work at my old job...Wet Seal. I always said I would never ever work there again, but when you need a job and you know the store manager, sometimes you need to give it a second chance. This time though, I wasn't working at the same store that I was at a couple years ago, I moved to a different mall where Steph got promoted as the store manager there. I got hired on as basically the same position I was in at Charlotte, still part time but I was keeping my eye open for full time potential jobs.

I've been back at Wet Seal for about six months now and it's going really great. It feels a lot different than when I worked there previously. I feel like I have better control of things and the way they flow. We have a really great team who works well together and knows what we're doing. Also, I really enjoy being in a different store, a bigger store.
I'm still at Justice too, but I only work there about once every two weeks. I really like it there but I think with the circumstances I might have to leave soon...

Fall was a blur really...mostly working, spending time with Taran and the besties whenever I could. Halloween was a blast and Taran and I went as Dexter and Debra Morgan from the show Dexter. Taran looked awesome!
Also I got to see Circa Survive again and I met Anthony Green again! It was amazing. This band never fails to disappoint me and Anthony continues to be my idol.

The past few months have also flown by...working a lot because of the holiday season. I absolutely despise holiday mall hours. It's silly for us to be there 3 hours earlier than normal because people don't even come shopping that early. But now everything is back to normal and it's a huge relief. I enjoy the holidays but working in retail does make you a bit bitter toward it all.

A few weeks ago my grandma asked Taran and I to house sit again for her while she spent Christmas out of town with family. My mom and I sat down and talked about some things and it was decided that she was going to end up moving out to my grandma's house with her, and Taran and I would live together in this house. It stressed me out at first because my grandma's health is declining and I assumed the worst. She explained how it was mostly for the fact that our house we're in now is too small for 4 people to live in. Which is true, I get frustrated because it's so tiny and I can hear everything from my mom talking on the phone to my brothers fighting. It's a perfect house for 2 people, which is why it's perfect for Taran and I.
While we were house sitting we talked about how we were going to redecorate and repaint and what we were going to do with the house. For Christmas my dad and stepmom Tonya spoiled us with gifts for our home. A crock pot, a coffee maker, a vacuum...etc. I am so grateful because doing all that alone was a big stress maker.


As of last week we finalized everything {for the most part} and my mom is going to be moving her stuff asap, so she should be moved in by February 1st. Taran is going to spend the rest of January at home since he did pay some bills for things he uses there with his roommate. Then once my mom gets settled with her things, Taran will start moving in here with me.

It's overwhelming and exciting, I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. Obviously it was inevitable because we are getting married, but it's happening so fast that it's shocking! I can't wait to start fixing it up how we want because it will be our house. Taran is thrilled and can't stop talking about certain things he wants to fix up/remodel. This house is very old so it needs lots of work, but it's our project we can work on together and I am so happy!

Life is starting to fall together, despite some things dragging me down such as the worry about my grandma, money, planning our wedding....I feel like this is a huge step in getting our lives started. Together.

Hoping to remember this blog and update more often. Maybe with outfit posts, maybe with life posts or maybe just random stuff!

Keep an eye out :)

Now for pictures....highlights of 2012:

Last day in Disneyland {technically still 2011 but whatever}; Vegas with Travis and Crystal...got to see Celine Dion live!; Anthony Green's solo tour, Trip to Fallon to see Randi with Crystal and Jerrica; my birthday celebration at The Melting Pot with my favorite people; went to a car show/fair with Taran, mom and my brothers

The girls from work and I all participated in the Color Run! It was so much fun; my coworker Harmony was in a pageant and we all went to cheer her on. She was great!; Celebrated the birthdays of my two besties in the world; saw Circa Survive and met Anthony Green!! Still excited about that; me and the girls Disneybound-ed for work on Halloween. I was Snow White and they went as Dopey and Grumpy; Travis, Crystal, Jerrica Brittan and I went to see The Scarlet Pimpernel. Amazing show, I love it.

 

Halloween! Taran made the perfect Dexter; Thanksgiving day spent with the love of my life; Randi came to visit and unfortunately she was so busy we didn't get a chance to get together. I did get to pop by and see her and little Ben before they left though! Miss those faces so much; my best friend Jerrica graduated from college with a bachelor degree in Journalism. She worked her butt off and I'm so happy for her; Taran showing off all our Christmas presents from my dad. Waffle maker, vacuum, crock pot, coffee pot....; my crazy coworkers leg wrestling at our work Christmas party. Ugly Sweaters, white elephant gifts, secret Santa gifts, we did it all :)

date

Well, our 80s day at work was cancelled, and moved to another week. I was disappointed because I got this really great Led Zeppelin shirt and was going to make my hair huge. But it's ok, I'll still wear the shirt and 80s day will come eventually.

Last night Taran and I had a date night at the movies. Usually we don't go to the theater and just wait until they come out, but we decided it would be nice to have a date together. We saw The Avengers, and I loved it! Even though I've never seen the revolving movies {Iron Man, Thor, Captain America etc} it was still a great movie and I really enjoyed seeing it in theaters.
I highly recommend it.

Now, I'm sitting here wondering why I chose to blog instead of snuggle with my handsome fiance.
Goodnight!

I am going to marry a winner.

Photo by Bianca Teh @ Honeebee Photography

Because he doesn't ask me what's wrong, he just lets me cry and crumple up into an emotional ball.
Because he always tries to understand my situation, even if it takes comparing my job to his any way he can. Just so that he can understand me.
Because he tells me I'm talented, even when I don't feel like it. And tells me I look pretty, even when I don't feel like it.
Because he takes me to buy ice cream to cheer me up...and chocolate...and a Dr. Pepper.
Because he turns on Ridiculousness and helps me laugh. {Something about people doing incredibly stupid things and hurting themselves is hilarious. Why is that? Who cares, I crack up.}
Because he doesn't get mad when I fall asleep and drool on his pillow. Whoops.

And because he loves me unconditionally and still wants to marry me after I've torn myself down and stressed myself to the max.
I am really really really lucky.

Up

Good news!
I got a second job! It's just another retail job but a different setting and I'm only working as an associate, but who cares because it's a job. I'm pleased.
Once I get going and making some extra bucks I'm going to start saving up to get my teeth fixed. That is one issue that I want 110% out of the way before Taran and I get married.
Speaking of Taran, he has good news too. Last year he bought a Dodge Durango and not even 6 months later it completely broke down. After that he decided to trade his '66 Bel Air for a more reliable car to get him around and he found a guy willing to trade for his VW Jetta. About a month into driving that car something happened with the transmission and it completely broke down also.
For the next few months he wasn't driving anything and was trying to figure out bills before starting to fix the Durango.
Long story short, he used his tax return to buy a used car so that he could have something.
No problems with this car, thank God, it has been good to him for these past few months.
However; the time has finally come and Taran is getting the Durango fixed! Then once that is out of way and he is able to drive it he's going to get rid of the car and will finally be able to drive the car he has been paying on for almost a year now.

Basically, things are looking up. I'm going to start putting money away, Taran will have one less stress to worry about and we are also going to start looking at apartments.
I'm feeling pretty good about all of this!

Pretty soon we'll make it to this wedding thing ;)
Wish us luck.

<3

bling

I realized the other day that I haven't posted in almost 2 months. The reason for my hiatus is mainly the fact that it is holiday and I work in retail. Mall hours are ridiculous and I feel like I hardly get to see Taran or my friends, therefore blogging sort of got placed on the back burner.

Here I am though....with a big announcement, and the reason I'm back!

I'M ENGAGED!!!

Yep, it's true! Taran popped the question! I am ecstatic and it still feels surreal, but it happened. I am getting married. It's something that the two of us have talked about for a long time, and here it is...finally happening.

I can't picture my life without him and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life by his side. I am truly so lucky.

Now I know you're all dying to know what and how it happened. I promised I would tell so here it is!

Last Saturday the two of us decided to go Christmas shopping and have dinner together. It's rare that we get to spend a full day together and I had the entire weekend off so I wanted to enjoy it with him. As we were doing some shopping we noticed that F.Y.E is going out of business, random yes, but it is the reason the ring happened.....just keep reading.

We decided to go the Ogden mall since I don't work there and I almost never go shopping there. It was crazy busy because Christmas is coming very soon, since we weren't in a rush for anything we just browsed around and enjoyed each others company. {Like always.} 

As we were getting toward the end of the mall we noticed one of the jewelry stores had giant yellow signs hung up stating that they were having a 'liquidation sale'. Thinking that it was another unfortunate business that was going under we decided to go in and take a look. One of the signs said "Up to 80% OFF!" - and marketing really works, because it drew us in and made us look. We found one case of rings that were gorgeous. Normally we just look around and then I point out what I like then we leave, so that was how I assumed it would happen. The next thing I know we're sitting down talking about a down-payment and costs, and lines of credit and then suddenly we were filling out paperwork to have our credit checked. It was happening....

However, the salesguy told us he wanted some more money for the down payment. Taran said that it was fine and he would have the money on Friday, then he would release the ring.

{Seriously you guys, it was like giving a child the coolest toy ever and then ripping it away from them. I was so sad!} 

It worked out for the best though, since Taran was kind of disappointed that I was there. I liked getting to pick it out though.

Anyway.......we left the store and I was in a daze. I couldn't believe he had just {somewhat} purchased a ring. We shopped around a bit more and then realized it was getting late and we were both exhausted. I had planned on us going to see Christmas lights but we ended up changing our mind and going home. For the next day he kept teasing me and saying that he should wait a couple months before proposing so it was more of a surprise. Honestly that would have possibly been the death of me!

Sunday night we planned on seeing the lights again, unfortunately we sadly had to bury our family dog. Our little toy poodle Belle had died earlier that day. My brothers were crushed and I felt completely drained, it was so so sad. We decided to just stay home and relax until I had to take Taran home.

I couldn't stop thinking about the ring and Monday night while I was at work Taran text me and asked which day I would be free this week to go see lights. Honestly I thought it was kind of odd and I was suspicious. Mainly because our schedules clash so much because mine isn't consistent and he works the same hours all the time. Because of that we only get to see each other for a good amount of time on the weekends, but occasionally when I don't work late I'll go over to his house and we'll watch a movie or something, just to get a chance to spend some time together. Normally though, it is me that initiates this, and he just agrees because I'm the one that has the weird schedule. So, when he asked me, I got a little curious.

Yesterday evening I picked him up and we went to the little Christmas village in Ogden. It was freezing and he kept saying that he wished it would snow a lot. We still enjoyed looking at all the little displays and twinkling lights, laughing at silly things that only we would get. After searching around for a spot to get some hot cocoa it finally started to snow. He mentioned that there was something 'new' in the village this year and that we should try to find it. Thinking nothing of it I agreed and we took another walk around the paths. I enjoyed the snow, it was beautiful and fitting for that moment. I would lift my head up and let the flakes fall onto my skin and sip my warm drink. We made it back to the beginning of the path near the place where we parked. When we first walked in I noticed a light statue that was a moose, I thought it was adorable and I pointed it out right away. It was a little bit off the path so we just saw it in passing, but on the way back Taran steered me over towards it wanting to 'look at it'. We stopped near the moose and some trees, the snow was falling, and he told me to look up at the snow. I gazed up and tried to catch some flakes on my tongue, not thinking about what was happening, just enjoying the atmosphere and being with the person I love.

I looked down and in Taran's hand was my ring.

Immediately I gasped and clapped a hand over my face and I could feel my eyes welling up with tears. He told me so many sweet things, but I was in shock and I can't remember the order in which he said them. He said: "I love you so much" "I want to spend the rest of my life with you" and "there will never be another you" then after a pause he said: "Bryana Weaver, will you marry me?"

{side note: typing this up and reliving it is giving me butterflies and making me teary eyed}

I, of course, said "YES!" and we kissed and hugged and told each other how much we loved each other...you know all that icky stuff. {Hehe} 

And there it was, the ring on my finger, my other hand intertwined with his and we left the beautiful twinkling lights engaged. 

Afterward he told me that he was so nervous. He didn't get down on one knee and I think it was because he was so nervous! I'm not sure why because he knew I would say yes! I guess he just wanted it to be perfect. He also said he was going to say that the proposal was the 'new thing' but he forgot out of nerves! He is adorable.

The whole thing was just how I had always envisioned it, romantic and intimate...just us two. It was absolutely perfect and I have never been happier.

Isn't my fiance just insanely handsome? :)

My beautiful ring!! It is perfect.

And to answer all your lingering questions:

• No we haven't picked a date yet. I want a long engagement. I want time to find a place for the two of us and time to plan. I'm in no rush.
• I want a spring/summer wedding, outdoors.
• Yes, I already have a photographer. I had her picked even before I knew I was getting married.
• Yes my parents highly approve. He is a winner!

 Thank you all for your sweet and kind words and for all the congratulations! I am so happy and I can't wait to marry this boy.
I will keep you updated on anything wedding related and I'll try not to slack on the blogging!

Much much love
♥