Thoughts on a Monday

March snow, it's inevitable in Utah

My "omelette"

I'm sitting here, eating the breakfast I made, (which was supposed to be an omelette, but turned into scrambled eggs with ham and jalapenos -- which, by the way, I had to text my mom to ask her how to tell when jalapenos are bad.)  and I started thinking. I haven't touched my blog in almost two years. It has just been this thing that I get emails about once in awhile. I thought recently about how I haven't written in so long. Then I had to dive into why I stopped writing. Is it because I got bored? Or is it because I was afraid of being boring? I would spend hours reading through other's blogs, clicking links that would take me to another one, and another one, and another one. I would think "these people have such entertaining lives. Their pictures are flawless and their entire page is gorgeous.
Before I stopped writing, a friend of mine revamped my blog and made it look much better than anything I could try to do. The fact is, I'm terrible at computers. Graphic design, and codes, and editing. It's just not my thing.
So, I start to feel a little embarrassed of my own silly blog. I would take outfit photos, but they seemed so "meh".

And then after two years and some serious yearning for expression, I realized: who. fucking. cares? This is my blog. This is my space. My voice needs to escape because that is one way I can release my stress and anxiety.

Here's the thing: I love fashion. I don't get paid to express my love of fashion. But I'm gonna.
I love writing. I'm gonna.
I have a voice, and I'm going to use it. Or in this case, type it.

My life is not glamorous, I work in retail for crying out loud. But I have things to say, and finally I can stop caring about comparing myself to others. It may have taken me 20 something years to accept that, but here it is. I don't care if you think I'm boring, I don't care if you subscribe, or comment, or laugh, or think. This is going to be my place. I can be as silly, or weird, or deep as I want to be. I miss the feeling of getting it all out there.

So, stay tuned. Or don't.
It's gonna happen.

Dis-appointment

Well, the bad news is: I went into my dentist appointment today and it turns out that my bridge came out the wrong tint. It didn't match any of my other teeth so it stuck out like a sore thumb when he held it up. He called the lab where the bridge was made to see if there was anything else they could do to help me out.

The good news is: Yes I will be able to get a better bridge made that will be different materiel so it doesn't turn out such an awkward color.

I won't lie, finding out that it wasn't completely happening today really disappointed me. I got emotional laying there without my beautiful new tooth. After talking about it for a few minutes I decided that there was no reason to be upset. It's going to happen. Just not today.
I'm grateful that my dentist was willing to help me find the best option and not just glue the stupid discolored one in. I decided to have him bond this one into place just to last me a few weeks. {I really don't want to put that damn retainer back in}
On Monday I'll go get a new impression made and in a few weeks I'll finally have this bridge. Finally.

In other news: tonight was my sisters rehearsal dinner and the entire party almost got blown away by the wind. It was crazy!

Dress: Wet Seal
Sandals: Forever Young Shoes

Bridge of Light

When I was in 8th grade I got my braces off after a year and a half of having them off. After they were taken off I was given a retainer to wear until I turned 18. The reason for the retainer was because one of my front teeth never grew in, so it had a false attached to it. I got told that when I was 18, after my teeth had finally settled permanently, I could get an implant. 

Well, I turned 18 seven years ago and I have yet to get an implant. The reason is simply because its insanely expensive. Since I have yet to scrounge up $3,000 for a tooth I've had to stick to the retainer since 8th grade. 

That's twelve years.

Needless to say I've been very self conscious about it for those past twelve years. I don't look my age because all you see is metal when I smile. I hate it, but at the same time I won't go out in public without it because I don't have a tooth!

All I've ever heard about is the implant. In the last twelve years of wearing this stupid retainer nobody ever told me about a Maryland bridge.

Until I got my root canal.

When I spoke to this new dentist he gave me multiple options instead of the implant. For the first time I actually heard of something other than what I was stuck with.

We discussed the pros and cons of the bridge and came to the decision that it would be the best option for me until I can afford the actual permanent implant. 

For the remainder of my appointment he took a mold of my teeth and set up the time for me to come back. It was supposed to be a two week process for the bridge to be made so they scheduled me 3 weeks away so that it would be 100% ready for me.

Yesterday I got a phone call saying it was done early. I'm going in tomorrow to get in put in.

I don't know if anyone really understands what this is like but I am so unbelievably excited. This is something that has held me back and dented my confidence since I was 13 years old. I've hate smiling, I've hated telling people why I still wear a retainer, I've hated correcting people when they guess my age. It's been nothing but a pain and it's finally going to be gone tomorrow. 

 

Dress: Wet Seal
Hat: Wet Seal

Shoes: Forever Young